We Made It!

I'm sitting here, after a long weekend filled with family and laughter and memories, realizing that we are coming to the end of this deployment. One thing I can't get off my mind is how I can't hardly believe we have survived an entire deployment. Months of separation, missing his face and voice, infrequent phone calls, they are all coming to an end. I feel like giving him a high-five right now because, seriously, WE DID IT! 


I remember the moment that bussed rolled away and how angry I was at it for taking him from me for the next 6 months. I stood there, thinking, this is never going to end, he's gone for what seems an eternity, and I'm never going to survive this heartbreak. Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but imagining the next half a year without him seemed impossible and I had no idea where the strength to get through it was going to come from. 


Then a sweet girl next time took my hand and told me I wasn't alone and I'll be okay. It did help and I didn't even cry the whole drive home. It actually took a few days for things to settle in for me to realize, wow, he's really gone. I guess my mind automatically (like muscle memory) reverted back to my college days and weekly visits and living 70 miles apart. But once my "muscles" finally understood this was a totally different and much longer situation, I had my first break down. And they continued to come in waves over the next 6 weeks. I would say those first 6 weeks were the hardest on me, trying to discover a new routine and making plans to keep my mind from wandering. It didn't help that a major natural disaster occurred like the first week he was gone and we had no idea if they were affected or not. But by the time May hit, I was feeling pretty confident about my coping mechanisms and ability to maintain my often unstable emotional state. 

I learned that keeping a full schedule during the weekend hours is completely and totally necessary. For the most part, I stood by this rule, religiously. The hardest times were the Fridays when I would be sitting at work with no motivation to start my weekend like everyone else. Those weekends when I failed to plan activities with friends or family made the entire week drag on and my emotions were unpredictable. Thankfully, I have many people in my life that didn't mind a weekend visitor and I was able to keep busy, for the most part. 


Now, when I look back at this time and the heartbreak that came with his departure, I am astounded that it's almost over. I still look in awe at all the families out there going through deployments and ask myself, "How do they do it? They have a baby? It's for a year? They just got married?!" But now, I understand the "how" because the "why" is what gives us all hope. 


....and if we made it, you can to. He's the "why" to your "how" and you're his too. I promise you will be okay, just keep yourself entertained, take time to get pampered, and pray for the strength to get through each day. God provided sanity and hope for me and he can for you too, if you just remember to rely less on yourself, and more on him. The hardest days of all, were the days I tried to do it all on my lonesome....


I am proud of us, we made it through and we get each other back very soon. I just keep thinking about how amazing it is to know, WE MADE IT!