Thoughts after Coffee Cup # 2

It's 6:30am and I'm on my second cup of coffee, feeling pretty awake at this point. I woke up at 5:20am to see my future husband off to work this morning and you know what, it felt good. I am looking forward to taking care of him in a new way as we start combining our lives. With an endless list of honey-do's between now and June 16th (our wedding), moments like this recenter my focus and remind me why the crazy is worth the anxiety and stress.

I feel such a sense of peace making his morning coffee or packing his snack, especially when I beg him to let me cook up a breakfast sandwich at 5:30am while he groans with that look that says "Thank you, but my stomach isn't quite awake yet." I understand that the novelty of all my new wifely duties might wear off, but for now I am basking in the contentedness I get from taking care of my soon to be husband. I pray it never gets "old" and that I continue to enjoy the whole taking care of a household role. I have a feeling it runs in my genes to feel complete and satisfied with a life centered on taking care of my family....I know this because my mom was always so good at it. Of all the things I could say about my mom, she was born to care for a family and taught me how to create a home just as she did.

Aannnndddd, with 37 days left before the wedding, my wedding website checklist says I still have 60 of my 120 tasks left to complete. Two more things to get done this weekend, RINGS AND TUXES!

I'm a prisoner to my sweet tooth

My horrible sweet tooth has taken me prisoner and I can't curve the craving of the peanut butter and chocolate ice cream sitting in my freezer at work from the San Francisco Creamery. How I wish I could indulge right now. Instead I will (try) and focus my energy on the realization that I gotta keep motivated to be healthy and get my boot-ey to the gym 'cus there are less than 8 Mondays till my wedding day is here. Maybe someone should stop buying me ice cream during lunch...

What do you all do to curve the after lunch sweet tooth cravings?

mmmm doesn't that look tasty.....

 

Maybe just two bites will be okay??? It's not like anyone will know....

The Top 5 countdown of what we've been up to as of late:

5. For the past 6 weeks, we have been feverishly searching for a home! This is proving to be on of the most taxing and frustrating, but potentially most rewarding, experiences this year. We are praying things are figured out in time for the wedding which means, as you can imagine, I am concerned freaking out about where we will be living come June.


4. I go in for my interview for the teaching credential program THIS FRIDAY! If all goes well and they think I'm qualified enough for their program, I will be on my way to becoming an elementary school teacher beginning June 25 (the day we come home from our honeymoon, so I actually will be missing the first day of class.)


3. Wedding planning. Lots of wedding planning. We recently did our invitations, Daniel had his bachelor party a few weeks ago, my bridal shower is in two weeks, we are working on getting our passports for Cabo, and my dad built these awesome centerpiece boxes for the tables out of reclaimed fencing wood! So, lots of wedding planning going on.


2. Daniel has been going to school and it looks like he'll be taking several summer courses also. Drill is this weekend which bums us both out because we like to spend our weekends TOGETHER, of course. How many more years of this??? I think 3 1/2...wow that's a long time. I'll be almost 28! Just in time for babies maybe??? Just kidding, more like, just in time to buy a house/travel/have lots of selfish fun before the kids come time.  


1. My birthday was yesterday so my lovely fiance took me out and spoiled me Saturday (since he had school till' late last night.) He bought me a new bathing suit for Cabo and all of our friends joined us for dinner at Sasa Restaurant (an amazing sushi place in Walnut Creek.) Then my dad treated me to Chinese food last night and we spent the evening catching up on Grey's, Toddlers & Tiaras, and Army Wives. My mom is cooking me dinner tonight, Amanda & Chels are coming tomorrow to take me out, and Saturday I am going antique shopping with Sue in search of a pillbox hat with a bird cage veil for my shower! I have been spoiled with love this year, turning 24 has turned out to be a fruitful age and Daniel says it is a big birthday this year because it's the age I'll be when we get married! He can be so romantic when he wants to :)

Today I am thankful for the GI Bill

It's been almost one year since I said goodbye to my Marine and sent him off to the Asian Pacific to learn the art of jungle warfare. This time last year we were preparing for goodbyes, spending ample time with friends and family, soaking in the moments before the big departure. Then I worried about my broken heart for 6 months, waiting in angst for his return. Upon his return, new worries began, worries that have only recently been resolved and resolutions I wish to share with you all tonight as I am OH SO PROUD of my soon to be husband.

The resolutions, you may ask, why of course! Let me share! Drum roll please...........We finally have a plan!!!!

Okay, so a "plan" may not seem like such a big accomplishment to some, so let me explain. After Daniel got home, the reality of our approaching nuptials brought on quite a scare in terms of our financial status. We realized that it was time for us to figure things out, he needed full time work and I needed to decided what the heck I was doing with my life (going to school or keep working). Daniel had so many directions he was pursuing, it seemed that we were running without feet (think road runner when he's running in one spot and not going anywhere.) It was getting scary, let me tell you. The stress was high as I was pressing him to make up his mind and pick something, anything!


I was honestly starting to lose hope that we were ever going to able to move out. I started thinking, maybe we'll just be one of those married couples that live at home, that'll be okay, it will HAVE to be okay. I'll just work this little job, making enough money to pay the bills, and we'll live on unemployment forever. OKAY, so I wasn't exactly happy with this "plan", actually it was causing more stress than I'm really letting on.

It's not like when active duty military return home from deployment, they go right back to their job after a nice little break. No, Daniel was flat OUT OF WORK. He was not coming home to a purpose or a cause, he was coming home to me and nothing more (and I don't pay much). He had been caring for his grandfather before he left, full time. Right before the deployment they transitioned grandpa into an assisted living home, then Daniel boarded a plane and headed to Japan. So when he came home, he really had absolutely no direction and although I didn't want to admit it, I was losing hope that he would figure it out in time. The crappy economy in our area and the lack of opportunity did not equal a quick remedy for our situation.

That's when he figured it out.

He made a brave and bold choice to use his GI Bill and return to school to get an education. THANK THE LORD FOR THE GI BILL! If it wasn't for the GI Bill,  he would not have taken this opportunity to receive an education and complete this Process-Technology program he's so excited about. This has given us new-found hope and the chance to really make a positive step in our life together. I am beyond thankful for the American Government's generosity in affording us this opportunity. I could not be more proud of my husband-to-be as he ventures out to conquer his future with excitement and motivation, giving us BOTH a chance at the life we desire to share together. This is the direction we needed and I am so thankful it is in our grasp.

God had a plan, I just needed to wait for it. Here begins the next chapter of our life with a clear plan and a path we can see to follow. Thank you Lord.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, school starts tomorrow. Wish him luck!

Things I'm Learning Lately

We are full swing into wedding planning! Yes, I have the venue picked, the date picked, caterers to taste,  the cake maker (if that's the right word) chosen, my dress, some of the bridesmaid dresses, and my photographer! These last 4 weeks have been more productive than the previous 6 months, since Daniel has been home to help make decisions. His input has been very useful and his insight into what HE thinks I truly want from our wedding has been mostly accurate. It's relieving to know how well he understands pretty much everything about me, well most of the time it's relieving. There is just one small detail that I've run across lately that I don't like that he knows....how horrible I am at saving money.

I'm a shopper, there's no secret there. We can all blame either my God-mom or my own mother for that one, as they both had heavy influences on teaching me about Macy's Shoe Sales, how to get your mall-walk on, and the difference between Nordstrom and Target. I love shoes, and clothes, and getting my nails done, and lots of pretty new things.When he first proposed, the wedding seemed so far away that I just kept thinking, "Saving? Oh, I'll get around to that, right now I just need this new dress!" Now that we are less than 9 months away, it all feels much more real and the motivation is finally here to think realistically about our budget needs for this wedding and for our life together.

So, I am learning to save. I didn't think I had it in me, honestly. I have never been good at saving money but I am set to prove Daniel wrong about my spending habits! I have already saved a nice stash and it feels really refreshing to have some money to my name, "just in case" (for the wedding or whatever comes up.) I don't know why I never did this before, I guess I was too busy walking around DSW.

I think I'll keep the amount I have saved a secret from him for as long as possible so that one day I can say, "Look honey, I have $_______ saved!" And he'll be so proud of me and then we can take a fabulous honeymoon to celebrate.

Welcome Home Marine

Well here we are, 23 weeks later, and couldn't possibly be any happier. He's home, thank God. It all seems like it went by in the blink of an eye, as though he never really left. Life just feel so normal with him here, nothing has really changed, except maybe that our appreciation for each other and for our families has grown leaps and bounds. Otherwise, life is just as it should be. Within 24 hours of him being home, it felt like he had never left and I had to keep reminding myself that this isn't a dream and he isn't leaving again for a long long time.

Here is the last week in a nutshell: (Can't believe it's been a week!)

The first two days home, we spent quality time with his parents eating great food, drinking good wine, and learning of Daniel's travels around the world and back. Saturday was the big Welcome Home Party, and most of our family and friends were able to come celebrate his return! It is comforting knowing we have all of their support and love to always get us through. Sunday was another family day and we decided to see a much overdue movie, Captain America. Then came Monday, and we both got the flu. He headed back off to San Bruno Tuesday and we will be reunited again on Friday for date night! Life is sweet.

Time to start wedding planning! Yay! A few pictures to share....

Waiting waiting waiting patiently!

So happy to finally be together

Daniel and his Mom

The First Hug

We Made It!

I'm sitting here, after a long weekend filled with family and laughter and memories, realizing that we are coming to the end of this deployment. One thing I can't get off my mind is how I can't hardly believe we have survived an entire deployment. Months of separation, missing his face and voice, infrequent phone calls, they are all coming to an end. I feel like giving him a high-five right now because, seriously, WE DID IT! 


I remember the moment that bussed rolled away and how angry I was at it for taking him from me for the next 6 months. I stood there, thinking, this is never going to end, he's gone for what seems an eternity, and I'm never going to survive this heartbreak. Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but imagining the next half a year without him seemed impossible and I had no idea where the strength to get through it was going to come from. 


Then a sweet girl next time took my hand and told me I wasn't alone and I'll be okay. It did help and I didn't even cry the whole drive home. It actually took a few days for things to settle in for me to realize, wow, he's really gone. I guess my mind automatically (like muscle memory) reverted back to my college days and weekly visits and living 70 miles apart. But once my "muscles" finally understood this was a totally different and much longer situation, I had my first break down. And they continued to come in waves over the next 6 weeks. I would say those first 6 weeks were the hardest on me, trying to discover a new routine and making plans to keep my mind from wandering. It didn't help that a major natural disaster occurred like the first week he was gone and we had no idea if they were affected or not. But by the time May hit, I was feeling pretty confident about my coping mechanisms and ability to maintain my often unstable emotional state. 

I learned that keeping a full schedule during the weekend hours is completely and totally necessary. For the most part, I stood by this rule, religiously. The hardest times were the Fridays when I would be sitting at work with no motivation to start my weekend like everyone else. Those weekends when I failed to plan activities with friends or family made the entire week drag on and my emotions were unpredictable. Thankfully, I have many people in my life that didn't mind a weekend visitor and I was able to keep busy, for the most part. 


Now, when I look back at this time and the heartbreak that came with his departure, I am astounded that it's almost over. I still look in awe at all the families out there going through deployments and ask myself, "How do they do it? They have a baby? It's for a year? They just got married?!" But now, I understand the "how" because the "why" is what gives us all hope. 


....and if we made it, you can to. He's the "why" to your "how" and you're his too. I promise you will be okay, just keep yourself entertained, take time to get pampered, and pray for the strength to get through each day. God provided sanity and hope for me and he can for you too, if you just remember to rely less on yourself, and more on him. The hardest days of all, were the days I tried to do it all on my lonesome....


I am proud of us, we made it through and we get each other back very soon. I just keep thinking about how amazing it is to know, WE MADE IT!

The Upside of a Deployment

(as I mentioned on facebook) I can don't have to argue with anyone over ordering Hawaiian Pizza.

I don't have to wonder what my plans will be or ask anyone if my plans fit into theirs, because I make my own schedule. 

 I can start a new job or work as many hours as I want because (sadly) I have no one waiting for me to come home each night.

I don't have to feel guilty for indulging in guilty pleasures like ridiculous reality tv, ice cream, and countless pairs of shoes. 

I get to spend extra time with my family that I don't  normally get the opportunity to. 

I can have girly weekends at a moment's notice (since I often of nothing better to do anyway.)

I get plenty of time to myself for reading, thinking, and napping; pretty much anything that wastes time

I don't have to work on wedding plans if I don't want to because I've convinced myself he wants to help me (which I honestly believe he does.) 

I spend less money (besides my shopping trips of course.)

I get to try new recipes out on my dad and perfect them before Daniel tries them so Daniel will never know how bad of a cook I really am.

I got to throw an amazing Half Way Party and bond with a special group of women going through my very same experience. 

I get to drive Daniel's truck on occasion, which is always fun, as long as I don't run anything over.

I spend more time focusing on the relationships in my life and less on the drama. It's good to be reminded of what's important, Love.

I've learned to appreciate my best friends, Amanda and Chelsea, even more than they know. Because of them, I have survived.  

 I am reminded every time he calls just how much I am loved, adored, needed, wanted, and missed.

And he's the reason it's all worth it.

L.O.V.E