Today I am thankful for the GI Bill

It's been almost one year since I said goodbye to my Marine and sent him off to the Asian Pacific to learn the art of jungle warfare. This time last year we were preparing for goodbyes, spending ample time with friends and family, soaking in the moments before the big departure. Then I worried about my broken heart for 6 months, waiting in angst for his return. Upon his return, new worries began, worries that have only recently been resolved and resolutions I wish to share with you all tonight as I am OH SO PROUD of my soon to be husband.

The resolutions, you may ask, why of course! Let me share! Drum roll please...........We finally have a plan!!!!

Okay, so a "plan" may not seem like such a big accomplishment to some, so let me explain. After Daniel got home, the reality of our approaching nuptials brought on quite a scare in terms of our financial status. We realized that it was time for us to figure things out, he needed full time work and I needed to decided what the heck I was doing with my life (going to school or keep working). Daniel had so many directions he was pursuing, it seemed that we were running without feet (think road runner when he's running in one spot and not going anywhere.) It was getting scary, let me tell you. The stress was high as I was pressing him to make up his mind and pick something, anything!


I was honestly starting to lose hope that we were ever going to able to move out. I started thinking, maybe we'll just be one of those married couples that live at home, that'll be okay, it will HAVE to be okay. I'll just work this little job, making enough money to pay the bills, and we'll live on unemployment forever. OKAY, so I wasn't exactly happy with this "plan", actually it was causing more stress than I'm really letting on.

It's not like when active duty military return home from deployment, they go right back to their job after a nice little break. No, Daniel was flat OUT OF WORK. He was not coming home to a purpose or a cause, he was coming home to me and nothing more (and I don't pay much). He had been caring for his grandfather before he left, full time. Right before the deployment they transitioned grandpa into an assisted living home, then Daniel boarded a plane and headed to Japan. So when he came home, he really had absolutely no direction and although I didn't want to admit it, I was losing hope that he would figure it out in time. The crappy economy in our area and the lack of opportunity did not equal a quick remedy for our situation.

That's when he figured it out.

He made a brave and bold choice to use his GI Bill and return to school to get an education. THANK THE LORD FOR THE GI BILL! If it wasn't for the GI Bill,  he would not have taken this opportunity to receive an education and complete this Process-Technology program he's so excited about. This has given us new-found hope and the chance to really make a positive step in our life together. I am beyond thankful for the American Government's generosity in affording us this opportunity. I could not be more proud of my husband-to-be as he ventures out to conquer his future with excitement and motivation, giving us BOTH a chance at the life we desire to share together. This is the direction we needed and I am so thankful it is in our grasp.

God had a plan, I just needed to wait for it. Here begins the next chapter of our life with a clear plan and a path we can see to follow. Thank you Lord.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, school starts tomorrow. Wish him luck!

Welcome Home Marine

Well here we are, 23 weeks later, and couldn't possibly be any happier. He's home, thank God. It all seems like it went by in the blink of an eye, as though he never really left. Life just feel so normal with him here, nothing has really changed, except maybe that our appreciation for each other and for our families has grown leaps and bounds. Otherwise, life is just as it should be. Within 24 hours of him being home, it felt like he had never left and I had to keep reminding myself that this isn't a dream and he isn't leaving again for a long long time.

Here is the last week in a nutshell: (Can't believe it's been a week!)

The first two days home, we spent quality time with his parents eating great food, drinking good wine, and learning of Daniel's travels around the world and back. Saturday was the big Welcome Home Party, and most of our family and friends were able to come celebrate his return! It is comforting knowing we have all of their support and love to always get us through. Sunday was another family day and we decided to see a much overdue movie, Captain America. Then came Monday, and we both got the flu. He headed back off to San Bruno Tuesday and we will be reunited again on Friday for date night! Life is sweet.

Time to start wedding planning! Yay! A few pictures to share....

Waiting waiting waiting patiently!

So happy to finally be together

Daniel and his Mom

The First Hug

We Made It!

I'm sitting here, after a long weekend filled with family and laughter and memories, realizing that we are coming to the end of this deployment. One thing I can't get off my mind is how I can't hardly believe we have survived an entire deployment. Months of separation, missing his face and voice, infrequent phone calls, they are all coming to an end. I feel like giving him a high-five right now because, seriously, WE DID IT! 


I remember the moment that bussed rolled away and how angry I was at it for taking him from me for the next 6 months. I stood there, thinking, this is never going to end, he's gone for what seems an eternity, and I'm never going to survive this heartbreak. Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but imagining the next half a year without him seemed impossible and I had no idea where the strength to get through it was going to come from. 


Then a sweet girl next time took my hand and told me I wasn't alone and I'll be okay. It did help and I didn't even cry the whole drive home. It actually took a few days for things to settle in for me to realize, wow, he's really gone. I guess my mind automatically (like muscle memory) reverted back to my college days and weekly visits and living 70 miles apart. But once my "muscles" finally understood this was a totally different and much longer situation, I had my first break down. And they continued to come in waves over the next 6 weeks. I would say those first 6 weeks were the hardest on me, trying to discover a new routine and making plans to keep my mind from wandering. It didn't help that a major natural disaster occurred like the first week he was gone and we had no idea if they were affected or not. But by the time May hit, I was feeling pretty confident about my coping mechanisms and ability to maintain my often unstable emotional state. 

I learned that keeping a full schedule during the weekend hours is completely and totally necessary. For the most part, I stood by this rule, religiously. The hardest times were the Fridays when I would be sitting at work with no motivation to start my weekend like everyone else. Those weekends when I failed to plan activities with friends or family made the entire week drag on and my emotions were unpredictable. Thankfully, I have many people in my life that didn't mind a weekend visitor and I was able to keep busy, for the most part. 


Now, when I look back at this time and the heartbreak that came with his departure, I am astounded that it's almost over. I still look in awe at all the families out there going through deployments and ask myself, "How do they do it? They have a baby? It's for a year? They just got married?!" But now, I understand the "how" because the "why" is what gives us all hope. 


....and if we made it, you can to. He's the "why" to your "how" and you're his too. I promise you will be okay, just keep yourself entertained, take time to get pampered, and pray for the strength to get through each day. God provided sanity and hope for me and he can for you too, if you just remember to rely less on yourself, and more on him. The hardest days of all, were the days I tried to do it all on my lonesome....


I am proud of us, we made it through and we get each other back very soon. I just keep thinking about how amazing it is to know, WE MADE IT!

The Upside of a Deployment

(as I mentioned on facebook) I can don't have to argue with anyone over ordering Hawaiian Pizza.

I don't have to wonder what my plans will be or ask anyone if my plans fit into theirs, because I make my own schedule. 

 I can start a new job or work as many hours as I want because (sadly) I have no one waiting for me to come home each night.

I don't have to feel guilty for indulging in guilty pleasures like ridiculous reality tv, ice cream, and countless pairs of shoes. 

I get to spend extra time with my family that I don't  normally get the opportunity to. 

I can have girly weekends at a moment's notice (since I often of nothing better to do anyway.)

I get plenty of time to myself for reading, thinking, and napping; pretty much anything that wastes time

I don't have to work on wedding plans if I don't want to because I've convinced myself he wants to help me (which I honestly believe he does.) 

I spend less money (besides my shopping trips of course.)

I get to try new recipes out on my dad and perfect them before Daniel tries them so Daniel will never know how bad of a cook I really am.

I got to throw an amazing Half Way Party and bond with a special group of women going through my very same experience. 

I get to drive Daniel's truck on occasion, which is always fun, as long as I don't run anything over.

I spend more time focusing on the relationships in my life and less on the drama. It's good to be reminded of what's important, Love.

I've learned to appreciate my best friends, Amanda and Chelsea, even more than they know. Because of them, I have survived.  

 I am reminded every time he calls just how much I am loved, adored, needed, wanted, and missed.

And he's the reason it's all worth it.

L.O.V.E

Extensions? And not the hair kind

What do you do when you find out there's the possibility that they are extending his deployment? Plan a trip, that's what! Well nothing is for sure, actually I only read a quick blurb about a possible extension today on our deployment group page but the first thing that came to mind was that now I can maybe go down south again!

But then I started thinking, what happens if he comes home when I'm down there? How expensive is a plane ticket last minute? Who would take me to the airport? Who's car would we drive in case it got left in SoCal at the last minute?

Whew, enough possibilities...relax!

I think I'll just keep my usual countdown going so I don't overthink this whole situation. Hopefully it's just a scare. Another thought on his homecoming though....I am having anxiety over how things are going to be when he gets home. Right now, I'm starting to scare myself with thoughts of how I'm going to handle when he wants to see his friends and I don't see him for a whole day. I know that sounds dumb because we've been apart for quite a while, what's one day? But my anxiety is telling me that choosing to spend one day apart is harder than having to spend one day apart. My anxiety is trying to convince me that I am going to be so obsessed on making up for lost time, that I will panic when we choose to spend any length of time apart.

How do people get over this? I realize this is ridiculous, so don't get me confused with some crazy control freak. At least I can admit my weakness. But how am I going to stop obsessing over this? Anyone else ever been  here and done that? Thanks in advance...

You aren't weak. You are strong.

First off I want to start this post by saying I am in extreme pain because I got this horrible sunburn in the middle of my back, you know, right where you can't reach, smack dab in the middle?

I realized this was going to happen about the time I decided I hate hate hate that Daniel isn't here to enjoy our life with me, together, like we should be. I went with my dad to the lake this weekend, which was lots of fun, but I couldn't help wishing my other half was there to lounge in the sun or learn to wake surf with me. I told him last night when I talked to him that, regardless of how much I might drive him nuts, I'm not going anywhere without him when he gets home. I realize that I "signed up for this," whatever, save all that "it was your choice" crap for someone else. I get it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm not trying to sit around and pretend that I'm some super strong crazy person who is so in love that the distance only "brings us closer." You are talking to the wrong engaged girl here. It's like missing half your body, half your joy, half your peace, and all of your heart. By the time Daniel gets home he will have been gone for a total of 12 months in the last 20 months. I am ready to smother that boy with my love and affection until he begs for a day at the shooting range with his boys.

I'm not ashamed that I'm not emotionally hard as steel and that I feel like breaking down into tears (and often do) whenever I see a current picture of him posted by one of his friends on Facebook. There's something about seeing his most up-to-date face that makes me want to kiss the computer screen while filling up a few buckets with my tears. You want the truth about military life, it fricken sucks. Don't let anyone tell you that being "strong" means you aren't allowed to feel your emotions. Go ahead girls, feel em', embrace em', and accept them. They are here to stay and some days they are going to tear you down to little bitty pieces. But other days, you're going to feel the butterflies fluttering in your stomach and you're going to feel that smile growing when you realize just how much time has passed and how close you are to the finish line.

If I could tell Daniel anything right now, in this moment, I would say I know we will be together forever and for always because I know how blessed I am to have your love and to love another this much. If I'm thankful for anything with this deployment, it's that it proved to me just how meant-to-be we are and how right the timing of our new beginning is. I would tell him I love you more than absolutely anything in this entire world and if I had endless amounts of money I would have followed you to and from every country you've been in these last few months just so I could give you a kiss now and then.

Deployments suck, I'm not embarrassed to admit that. You shouldn't be either. Love your man, stand by your man, and remember how blessed you are that God gave you this opportunity to learn what love and commitment truly means. You aren't weak because you cry, you're strong because you can cry without giving up. You aren't weak because you resent this deployment, you're strong because you recognize the positive impact it could have on your relationship, if you let it. You aren't weak because you wish he was here, you're strong because you are willing to wait patiently for his infrequent phone calls and far off return. Keep calm and carry on, because that's all we really can do in times like these.

 I sure miss this boy of mine

Ever Wonder What Happens at My House on a Friday Night?

Tomorrow I get to mark another week off my calendar, so it should be a pretty good day. At least I'm hoping it's a good day. The distance between my future husband and myself is really dragging on me, at this point. I missed him the second I watched that horrible ugly bus drive out those awful and depressing metal gates. Now, take that moment and multiply it by like a thousand and add about 500% plus a 14 hour time difference and you might get to where I am now in my level of wanting him back. It's time. They could have sent him home before he even left the states and  I would have been happy. That's why, tomorrow better be a good fricken day because if it's not, I might have a cry day and watch Army Wives and eat a box full of See's Candy because I know it's not really time to have him back yet.

On a different note, has anyone seen this new show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? If you haven't you really need to go check it out on TLC, it will blow your mind. And no, it's not really about a wedding. In fact, it's more about how I would be considered "shelved" at 23 years old for not being married already. Oh, and the fact that I would never have gone to college and probably would  have like a bunch of babies and a trailer to look after right now. Just go watch it, it's quite entertaining for a boring Friday night at home..alone...again.

Boy of boy, I can NOT wait for Daniel to come home. I've been meaning to blog about this for quite some time, but I've been forgetting too [and I apologize for the all-over-the-placeness of this post.] But, what I've been meaning to say, is that I cannot stand by complacently and watch couples be all, you know, couple-y, anymore. It actually causes a physical reaction in my body, where I must turn my head and try not to puke as my mind fills with selfish thoughts about how jealous I am. Yes, I am super jealous of all of you who get to go on Friday night dates with your honey, and Saturday night dates, and whatever day of the week you choose dates. Of all the movie watching you get to do. Of the cuddling on the couch watching Modern Family on a random Thursday night you do. Of all the eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner out at any restaurant that you do [which is why I avoid all restaurants on the weekends.] I know this is unhealthy and I promise I will resolve this problem in a matter of weeks...as soon as Daniel is  home. The only thing stopping me from totally falling off the deep end, is knowing that I have the  most perfect fiance excitedly itching to come home to ME! So I'm stopping this rant now, before things get out of hand. Thank you for letting me express myself.

if you want to sleep when he's deployed, read this.

So I haven't slept in about 3 months. That's when Daniel left. If you need a refresher on "why" check out my post on Insomnia from back in January, that outta fill you in on the back story there... For those that are all caught up on my life, I have new details on the sleeping situation. I don't think it's entirely due to his absence. I think it might have to do with the mattress I've been sleeping on since I was 11. It's gotten me through close to 6 or 7 moves, middle school, high school, and college.

Yesterday I decided I was going to steal the brand new super duper comfy queen size mattress from the downstairs bedroom. Now, I have a full and, thus, my bed frame is also a full. But I was determined to make that whole situation work for the hope of having a restful night of sleep for at least the next two months. I'm just glad my dad didn't see me pulling that box spring up the stairs, by myself. He probably would have had a breakdown. But I say, where there's a will, there's a way and my will was determined to find a way to start sleeping.

After realizing a queen is MUCH larger than a full and that my full size bed frame cannot be contortioned into a queen without rebuilding it, my dad offered to "fix" the frame and make it so it will work with my new BIG AND COMFY bed. [Side note, he had to build new sides to my bed out of sheet metal at work today, I didn't even know he could weld!] Last night was my first night on the new mattress [dad convinced me, besides my clear dissapointed that it wouldn't be my complete vision, to put the mattress on the floor for the night] and I must say, I slept much much better. I think I might have found one thing a girl with a deployed Marine should not suffer through, an old uncomfortable mattress. To all the ladies about to go through a deployment, do whatever you must to make your bed as comfortable as possible! You are already going to be having a hard time sleeping once he leaves, so buy extra pillows or a mattress topper, or steal the more comfortable mattress from downstairs. It doesn't do you any good to wait and see if you'll get used him being gone. Spoiler alert: you won't. A girl without her beauty rest for months on end only translates into a girl with more erratice and less reasonable emotions. Save your friends, your family, and yourself all those tears and get a comfy bed!

I can't wait to snuggle in under those covers tonight and catch up on the last three months of sleep I've been missing. By the way, thanks for reading this ridiculously boring post, I just was really excited and needed to share to the "world" about my  new HUGE and COMFY bed :)

The little bed that I've been not-so-sleeping on since he left.

My new giant and amazingly comfortable bed! 

Our Halfway Party

So we made it to the halfway point of this deployment! I thought this day would never ever come...especially that first few weeks, but I am thankful to say...IT'S HERE!!! So per my friend Savannah's request, here are pictures to fill you in on all our fun!

Carrie and Nicole were the first to arrive and I quickly put them to work making cake batter for the cakes in a jar I had everyone make. They all turned out great! Except for the jar the overflowed and then tipped over inside the oven. Ya. and the fact that I ran out of time and no one decorated their jar. But other than that....they were sealed to perfection and, hopefully, everyone will actually ship them to their guy! After I made the girl whip up some cake batter, I enlisted their help in making pizza dough. Carrie totally ruined the first batch cuz she POURED, not sprinkled, the yeast on top. Yep, that's right, I blame my guest :) Lol. Just teasing...it was a joint failure. Everyone had fun making their own dough and baking their pizza with a multitude of toppings. The pizzas didn't quite turn out the way I LIKE them to be since I forgot to turn up the oven from when we baked the cakes. Oh well, doughy pizza is still pizza and it was the memories of fun times we'll take from this night.

These scrumptious delights were one of two desserts we enjoyed. Nicole, our fabulous baker, made these raspberry lemon cupcakes and they were probably the best cupcakes I have ever had. I think I ate 5 total, ya, they were that good. I also made strawberry with dark chocolate cake pops. They are AMAZING also, and I sent everyone home with the leftovers because I knew I would eat the rest this week, if I didn't.

After all the baking and pizza making (wow, that totally rhymed), we settled in for a quiet game of Apples to Apples. Wait, did I say I quiet? Ya, ummm, that's probably the WORST word to describe this next event. I'm pretty sure we only made it about four people into the first round when we were interrupted by our curiosity to know how everyone met their Marine. I learned so much about my new friends! One thing Michelle pointed out, many of us have known our Marine as either a friend or something more, since we were young, like pre-teen braces young. I thought that was interesting. Regardless of how long we all knew our Marines, it is clear there is love in the air! Marine girls are passionate girls and their love is clearly strong and proud. No one was afraid to share their love story. In fact, most of use were jumping with ants in our pants to tell our story. The picture above would be our realization that we all (minus the two mamma's, which we'll let slide since their kids are pretty darn cute) had pictures of our man in their camis on their phone. We just HAD to stop to document this funny fact with a picture.

This has to be my favorite picture from the night. It completely and wholly explains the entire event, without the need for explanation. We laughed until we cried and built new friendships that felt like they've always been apart of our lives.  I know celebrating the halfway point was important to me and I am thankful for everyone that came. It wouldn't have been a party without all of you! and it wouldn't have been a halfway party without the all the love stories, wine, and laughter. Thank you all so much. I promise to improve my hostessing skills to perfection for our next halfway party, which I pray is in many many years to come. That outta give me time to practice anyways

Tempura Fried Laughter

So I'm sitting there laughing with Morgan last night, having a really fun girls evening in, watching Army Wives when it suddenly hits me how ridiculously emotional I was before Daniel left for this deployment. You want to know how I came to this conclusion, I'll tell you.

Okay, picture this, it's three days before he leaves, we are sitting at dinner with a group of our closest and bestest friends having all you can eat sushi. Morgan is ordering all the yummy tempura rolls and, knowing how good they are (and ignoring the fact that they are not going to make me feel like sushi was the healthy eat-out option tonight), I order a few myself, along with a few healther picks. After much anticipation and after my stomach had been angirly growling at me for quite some time, our rolls arrive. But do you want to know where my delicous but oh so unhealthy deep fried goodness end up? On the opposite side of the table, that's where! No big deal, at first. I delightedly eat my "healthier" options, waiting patiently for someone to pass me a few of the golden yummies on the other side of the table.

Time passes on and with hope fading fast that there would be any left for me, I politely ask Daniel if he could please pass the tempura rolls. He kind of ignores me (I think he has selective hearing) and so I ask again. But, his selective hearing must have tuned me out, so I reach over him, sort of in his eating space, across the the table, and stick my chopsticks into the tempura rolls directly in front of Morgan and Adam's faces. Then I get that look that no one wants to get, that look of shock and horror. I wasn't letting anything get in my way of eating those tempura rolls, not even Daniel's annoying obsession with healthy food and polite manners in public. Well, that was it. I got that look and that's all I needed to throw a little temper tantrum right there in the middle of dinner

"Oh, what, I can't eat tempura. What am I, Fat?"

"No, it's not that. But can't you eat what's in front of you instead of reaching across the ENTIRE table?"

"Oh, so now I can't eat anything you think is unhealthy cause then you'll call me fat?"

"Oh jeeze, Kaitlyn. Really? Okay, well if that's how you want to spend this night, fighting, then go ahead."

That was it. I was ready to call it a night, go home, and retreat to my icecream in the freezer. Now of course we made up and it didn't ruin the whole  night, but as I was recalling this incident with Morgan over wine, it dawned on me just how high emotions ran that last weekend. I didn't realize it when we were living those moments, but looking back, I had to laugh, like really hard, at that whole situation. Did I really get made at Daniel and imply that he thought I was fat cause of my undying need to eat the less healthy rolls clear across the table in which I had to be extremely rude to other table guests to retrieve? YES! And that thought made Morgan and I laugh histerically for like 5 minutes.

Wow, stress before deployments is unavoidable, as much as I thought I could defend myself against it, I was a fallen victim. My lesson has been learned. Prepare yourself for the inablity to act rationally when your loved one is preparing to leave for 6 months. Be ready to recognize the signs of emtional instability so you can stop yourself before you let it ruin too much of that precious time. I am thankful we made it past those four days without too many bumps, although there were enough of these little moments to cherish from now until he comes home. And last, but not least, be prepared to laugh about your tantrums with a good friend over a glass (or two) of good wine, it really does the soul some good to realize it's not your fault you were an emotional wreck, it's the deployment's fault. And that is who/what I choose to blame for all my emotional inadequacies over the next few months, end of story.

Symptom Number Two

As some of my friends may recall from my eating habits during Daniel's bootcamp, my appetite was slightly missing. In place of full meals and healthy snacks, I ate gallons of Mint Moose Tracks ice cream to supplement the inadequacies of my diet. Well friends, the second symptom of deployment has finally hit, I knew it was only time. I have officially lost my appetite and it is hiding somewhere sneaky, probably behind the Mochi in my freezer.  I'm not sure if this is permanent or if perhaps it will come back when I finally get that phone call mentioned in my previous post (which I am still waiting on, by the way.) From the time I woke up until about 25 minutes ago, my diet consisted of half a bowl of shredded wheat cereal. So, just to make the picture a little clearer, I have only consumed about 100 calories since 11 am this morning and it's now 6pm, that is highly unusual for me. I am a girl who likes to eat her meals. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, desert, morning snack, afternoon snack, late night snack....the list could go on, depending on the day.

There are two problems with this whole appetite situation. (1) Shredded wheat does not have enough nutrition in it to keep me full all day, which it didn't. I actually got hungry but didn't really care, for whatever reason. Maybe I will figure out why in a few days, I'll get back to you on that. (2) I don't even like shredded wheat! So now not only am I eating less than usual, my taste buds have forgotten to remind me that I don't have to eat what I don't like eating.

So the second symptom of misery (or at least of loneliness when your Marine is deployed) is clearly loss of appetite. Although my body is somewhat malnourished at the moment, it does make for a really quick weight loss technique, one that I am NOT encouraging, so don't go trying to loose your  appetite to loose weight, it's probably going to come right back when he gets home anyway. I fully intend on driving down to the store in just a bit and buying a gallon of some sort of ice cream, since that is what sounds good right now. Bye for now.

Oh the places you've been!

So it's two weeks into this thing they call deployment. The phone has found it's way back into my constant carry, into the bathroom, by the running shower water, on the pillow, by the burning stovetop, and often in the top of my bra, to name a few places. It is safe to say, I refuse to miss any chance of communication. I have been finding myself being a bad bad girl and answering it at the most in oportune times, like at work. Then, when it's not him (which it often isn't), I have to explain to the other person, whom I have no desire to talk to, that my fiance is deployed and I only want to talk to him and I shouldn't have answered my phone at work but what's a girl to do! Skype has been a miracle maker, that's for sure. You underestimate how precious it is to just stare at some one you love. I could stare at him all day and not say a word and that would be sufficient communication. I mean, seriously, we haven't had to exercise our phone skills like this in YEARS, like since junior year of high school. We are trying to get better at our phone conversations, but our relationship has reached that point when you no longer have hours of material to gab about. That is why I LOVE Skype. Because we can make silly faces at eachother and don't have to talk every mili-second of the time we spend "communicating". Staring at eachother is just fine by me when it's him I'm looking at. And although I can't speak for him, I would guess he agrees that I offer a pretty good view in return.

So as week two comes to a close and week three begins I'm still waiting, make that obsessing, over my next phone call. Since the Tsunami hit, I have still not reached contact with him, which is frustrating, but understandable. That's why God made patience, for moments like this when you need to wait it out for your deployed Marine to get out of the field, get to his phone, hope it's charged enough to make a call home, find internet connection, hope not too many other guys are using that same WiFi, and finally dial his favorite phone number to reach his favorite person,ME, to either talk to or stare at (which ever is more convenient at the time.)

And then, when the phone calls don't come, the Insomnia (in the aforementioned blog) returns. Which leads me to why I'm blogging at 2am, because I have absolutely nothing to look forward to tomorrow and sleepiness is no where to be found when the phone call obsession takes over. Which reminds me, I think I made it this far without a major meltdown due to the fact that I have had a constant schedule since he left. I think tomorrow marks the first day that I can honestly say, I have nothing planned. I hate to see how these things they call deployments feel when you stop planning your every waking minute. My best bet is probably to just keep it all planned out, keep something to look forward to every day off, even a trip to Costco or Target to get Care Package supplies. I need to remain focused on keeping busy, or this facade I have created to cover up my real emotions about living minus my other half is going to fade quickly.

Off to bed, or at least near a pillow in a horizontal position. Thanks for reading, all of my not so many bloggers out there :)

Oh.... the Insomnia

So if you have been following me on facebook then you know that Daniel has left for his pre-deployment training. Let me just say he only left 51 hours ago but already the insomnia has set in. I can remember from this time last year when he was in bootcamp that I hardly ever slept. Well, here we go again. I thought maybe, just maybe, I would have been over this by now. Nope. I still can't sleep and it is driving me nuts!

One point I would like to make clear is that I have not fallen into my old blubbery ways quite yet as no tears have been shed. But I promise all of you as soon as that bus or plane or whatever vehicle that takes him away removes him from me, I will be welling up like a fountain. I think it is safe to say I better not be driving home from wherever this event is going to occur or the other drivers are going to be seriously in danger as my eyes DO NOT have wiper blades.

Anyways, back to the whole not sleeping thing. It is time I find a cure for my inability to sleep soundly. According to my friend/sister of advice, Savannah, I should try Melatonin, a natural supplement. So tomorrow that is exactly what I am going to go out and buy. I'll let you all know if it works or not because if it does then it may just be the saving grace for many of my military sisters out there.

I'm going to give my pillow a shot now and cuddle up under the covers to dream about a life devoid of deployments so I can sleep more soundly. Good night, hopefully.

Changes on the Horizon

Sooooooooooo I made a very important decision this weekend. We debated it back and forth, over and over, upside down and inside out. I wanted to be sure it was the right choice and the right now. And I think, in the end, it is. I decided.....drum roll please..... I am moving home! I am going to be moving home to be closer to my family and of course my love. As of June 11 I will be living in Oakley again, with my dad, atleast for a bit. Daniel and I are working on getting things settled for our own place, but that requires BOTH of us to get working back home so I better find a job quick!

I am really excited about it. I was back home this weekend and spent some time with my dad and Daniel's parents and I just felt so at peace there. I know this is the right decision to be made and I am really looking forward to being so close to everyone I love. It will be really hard leaving my two best friends, though. We have grown up together in the hardest times of our lives and challenged and supported eachother through so much. I love Chelsea and Amanda as my family and leaving them is going to be very sad. But......there is even more to come home to so of course this is all worth it! Actually, everything is fitting into place like a perfect little puzzle. I was listening to Air One radio this morning and heard something really inspiring...they were talking about how you know if the choices you are making are what God wants for you. When you make a choice that brings you peace you can be assured that God wanted you to take that path. I feel very much at peace and know that this is where he want me to head. Looking forward to moving in 7 weeks!! :)

p.s. I get to see the most amazingly perfect-for-me man in less than 4 days, yay!!! :)

Saying Goodbye to Goodbyes

So, I thought I would start a blog because I always seem to have something to say and there just enough space on Facebook to say it. Now Amanda thinks the title of my blog may come off as a bit stalkerish, so if you have a better suggestion, let me know, because I couldn't come up with anything better. I am going to use this space to write out all my emotions, good and bad because I need a place to share it all. There is just so much changing and going on in my life right now and sometimes I need to let it all out. I know my roomies are tired of hearing about all the "what-if's" of my life because it stresses them out when I change my plans too much and they just told me to stop telling them my ideas until I make up my mind. So.....I guess I will be writing it all out on here so I have someone to tell, even if it is cyberworld.

So, as many of you may know, I have been visiting Daniel every weekend for the last four weeks. I drive the 8 hour drive to spend friday night through Sunday night with my love, and of course it is worth it. But this weekend I don't get to go. Partly because I'm an idoit and had to spend and extra $90 on my plane ticket for last weekend when I realized I booked my return flight for Monday MAY 10 not APRIL....therefore I spent all the gas money I could have used to drive down to see him, just to get back to my real life. And as much as I appreciate my work and my boss, real life just isn't very enjoyable without him here. I'm ready for him to be home. I'm ready to not have to say goodbye anymore...well until he has more training or is deployed....but I don't want to say goodbye when we get back to normal life again. So that is where we are at....trying to figure out how not to say goodbye anymore. And that starts with him getting a job. Depending on where that is, I may have to find a new job too. That's why there are so many "what-if's" in my life right now, it's all riding on a bunch of unknowns.

The bottom line, we refuse to say goodbye anymore and we trying to figure out how to change that :)