We Made It!

I'm sitting here, after a long weekend filled with family and laughter and memories, realizing that we are coming to the end of this deployment. One thing I can't get off my mind is how I can't hardly believe we have survived an entire deployment. Months of separation, missing his face and voice, infrequent phone calls, they are all coming to an end. I feel like giving him a high-five right now because, seriously, WE DID IT! 


I remember the moment that bussed rolled away and how angry I was at it for taking him from me for the next 6 months. I stood there, thinking, this is never going to end, he's gone for what seems an eternity, and I'm never going to survive this heartbreak. Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but imagining the next half a year without him seemed impossible and I had no idea where the strength to get through it was going to come from. 


Then a sweet girl next time took my hand and told me I wasn't alone and I'll be okay. It did help and I didn't even cry the whole drive home. It actually took a few days for things to settle in for me to realize, wow, he's really gone. I guess my mind automatically (like muscle memory) reverted back to my college days and weekly visits and living 70 miles apart. But once my "muscles" finally understood this was a totally different and much longer situation, I had my first break down. And they continued to come in waves over the next 6 weeks. I would say those first 6 weeks were the hardest on me, trying to discover a new routine and making plans to keep my mind from wandering. It didn't help that a major natural disaster occurred like the first week he was gone and we had no idea if they were affected or not. But by the time May hit, I was feeling pretty confident about my coping mechanisms and ability to maintain my often unstable emotional state. 

I learned that keeping a full schedule during the weekend hours is completely and totally necessary. For the most part, I stood by this rule, religiously. The hardest times were the Fridays when I would be sitting at work with no motivation to start my weekend like everyone else. Those weekends when I failed to plan activities with friends or family made the entire week drag on and my emotions were unpredictable. Thankfully, I have many people in my life that didn't mind a weekend visitor and I was able to keep busy, for the most part. 


Now, when I look back at this time and the heartbreak that came with his departure, I am astounded that it's almost over. I still look in awe at all the families out there going through deployments and ask myself, "How do they do it? They have a baby? It's for a year? They just got married?!" But now, I understand the "how" because the "why" is what gives us all hope. 


....and if we made it, you can to. He's the "why" to your "how" and you're his too. I promise you will be okay, just keep yourself entertained, take time to get pampered, and pray for the strength to get through each day. God provided sanity and hope for me and he can for you too, if you just remember to rely less on yourself, and more on him. The hardest days of all, were the days I tried to do it all on my lonesome....


I am proud of us, we made it through and we get each other back very soon. I just keep thinking about how amazing it is to know, WE MADE IT!

The Upside of a Deployment

(as I mentioned on facebook) I can don't have to argue with anyone over ordering Hawaiian Pizza.

I don't have to wonder what my plans will be or ask anyone if my plans fit into theirs, because I make my own schedule. 

 I can start a new job or work as many hours as I want because (sadly) I have no one waiting for me to come home each night.

I don't have to feel guilty for indulging in guilty pleasures like ridiculous reality tv, ice cream, and countless pairs of shoes. 

I get to spend extra time with my family that I don't  normally get the opportunity to. 

I can have girly weekends at a moment's notice (since I often of nothing better to do anyway.)

I get plenty of time to myself for reading, thinking, and napping; pretty much anything that wastes time

I don't have to work on wedding plans if I don't want to because I've convinced myself he wants to help me (which I honestly believe he does.) 

I spend less money (besides my shopping trips of course.)

I get to try new recipes out on my dad and perfect them before Daniel tries them so Daniel will never know how bad of a cook I really am.

I got to throw an amazing Half Way Party and bond with a special group of women going through my very same experience. 

I get to drive Daniel's truck on occasion, which is always fun, as long as I don't run anything over.

I spend more time focusing on the relationships in my life and less on the drama. It's good to be reminded of what's important, Love.

I've learned to appreciate my best friends, Amanda and Chelsea, even more than they know. Because of them, I have survived.  

 I am reminded every time he calls just how much I am loved, adored, needed, wanted, and missed.

And he's the reason it's all worth it.

L.O.V.E

Extensions? And not the hair kind

What do you do when you find out there's the possibility that they are extending his deployment? Plan a trip, that's what! Well nothing is for sure, actually I only read a quick blurb about a possible extension today on our deployment group page but the first thing that came to mind was that now I can maybe go down south again!

But then I started thinking, what happens if he comes home when I'm down there? How expensive is a plane ticket last minute? Who would take me to the airport? Who's car would we drive in case it got left in SoCal at the last minute?

Whew, enough possibilities...relax!

I think I'll just keep my usual countdown going so I don't overthink this whole situation. Hopefully it's just a scare. Another thought on his homecoming though....I am having anxiety over how things are going to be when he gets home. Right now, I'm starting to scare myself with thoughts of how I'm going to handle when he wants to see his friends and I don't see him for a whole day. I know that sounds dumb because we've been apart for quite a while, what's one day? But my anxiety is telling me that choosing to spend one day apart is harder than having to spend one day apart. My anxiety is trying to convince me that I am going to be so obsessed on making up for lost time, that I will panic when we choose to spend any length of time apart.

How do people get over this? I realize this is ridiculous, so don't get me confused with some crazy control freak. At least I can admit my weakness. But how am I going to stop obsessing over this? Anyone else ever been  here and done that? Thanks in advance...

Our big floppy hats

Oh my, what a weekend we had! Chelsea, Amanda, and I went to visit Amanda's family in La Cresta, CA...they live in this beautiful home nestled in the mountains behind Camp Pendleton where they built "Sheffield Regional Park" as they call it. This was the girls weekend we ALL needed, each for our very own reason:

(Amanda) needed to get over her jerk of a boyfriend for breaking up with her

(Chelsea) needed  to get her mind off her anxiety about her NCLEX (her big nursing test)

(Me) needed to find a way to make this weekend (and all of the next ones till he's home) pass quickly.

I am happy to report, the trip was a success. Amanda is amazing and strong and is moving on! Chelsea found out she passed her test, and the rest of the weekend was stress free for her. I was so busy celebrating with them both I hardly had time to think about myself. 

We bought big floppy hats at Target and went to the beach

Chels and Amanda at the beach

Some family friends of Amanda's, they were both so sweet

Celebrating our "success" this weekend at Amanda's parents house